Dawn At The Humble Tower – A Poem – You Like?
Posted by: Alan in Snore Guard, tags: Dawn, Humble, Like, Poem, TowerMy sleepy eyes we reluctant to greet the day today
My body stretched and my muscles protested
The house was cool and my skin goose pimpled
And dawn gently washed away the night with hues of grey
Out the small window the tree skeletons posed and stood guard
My heart lifted up as a deer carefully picked his way through my yard
The fan in the bathroom buzzed out all other sound
But a wonderment of the glory of the day in me began to abound
The warm cloth refreshed my face and heightened my senses
Minty Breath and freshly combed hair made my visage fair
New shoes of black and white made dressing less of a Plight
A touch of red lipstick and mascara made me look just right
Now Master Sun has come to Paint the Day
The Michelangelo of the heavens creating a new display
Letting the colors begin soft and pastel, slowly growing bright
Further Exorcising the memory of dark Night
Feeling a kinship with Alice from the story
Because I have gone through my own looking glass from glory to glory
Nostalgia at the one that made me bigger, and the one that made me small
Gladness that one made me do nothing at all
Ready to leave my castle, my humble tower
I sneak into her room and kiss her, still asleep at such an early hour
One more kiss for my husband, snoring, yet handsome and strong
Then off I go to town, noise, cars, work, schedules, and the general throng
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September 23rd, 2009 at 8:19 pm
A wonderment of a morning description!
September 23rd, 2009 at 9:24 pm
Very descriptive piece of a daily routine. You stressed on the details, employed metaphors and simile, but the wording tends to be (a bit) lengthy.
Here is my notes on this poem:
* You chose to rhyme, but didn’t follow a rhyme scheme:
– S1: abba;
– S2, S4-S6: aabb;
– S3: abcc. This doesn’t go with the structure.
* The wording could be concentrated, and put all those poetic expressions into more structure ( especially the rhythm) .
Compared to your previous poem, this seems in a lot better shape. That’s to say, you made noticeable progress.
Thanks for sharing this poem!