Question by Question Queen Y!A veteran: What’s the worst that can happen to me if I become no longer my brother’s payee?
I receive SSI & Social Security here in the US, & I’m 25 & mentally disabled. I have a college degree & can handle my $ $ . This is my 1st time being someone’s payee. My 31-yr. old brother, who is more mentally impaired than I am.
My older sister was his payee, & he left from her because she always misused his $ $ & gambled it up. He supposedly can’t count $ $ . He pretty much PUSHED himself on me & didn’t give me a chance to tell him that I won’t be able to care for him. Also, I felt VERY sick last week, & he didn’t care how I felt. He didn’t want to hear me try to tell him I can’t have others stay with me because it will make my anxiety, OCD, & Tourette’s worse, & it will mess up my lease if he stayed with me. Just like he got angry & left her, if he were on my lease, if we get into an argument, he would up & leave & not care if my credit is destroyed. It can be an argument as simple as me reminding him to wash his hands after using the bathroom. You never know when he’ll snap & leave me paying over $ 400/mo. that I can’t afford.
My landlord doesn’t like to make changes in the lease contracts. So, I would’ve been stuck. My brother is currently not on the lease. The lease says guests can stay 5 consecutive nights, twice out the month, & I don’t have $ 45 extra to let my brother stay here longer. It was his 5th day here, so he had to leave anyway.
My ears are very sensitive because I have a condition, called hyperacusis, & I’m easily prone to ear infections.
He knows what he's doing, & he tries to pretend to be helpless, when he's not as helpless as you think, in order to get things he wants from you for free. If he knew he wanted to come here by me, he left my sister's house with over $ 100 & spent it all up on honey buns, donuts, & other stuff, so he can make it MY responsibility to pay his way up here. But Traveler's Aid paid for him. I almost cried when he wanted to come up here. Now, I'm broke for the rest of the month, helping him as much as I can.
He currently sneaks behind my back, telling other family members that he doesn't trust me because back in 2004, he touched my breasts & thought it was funny & then started to get violent when I got angry about it. He called himself getting revenge by lying & saying I molested my twin sister's baby, when he most likely was the one who did it. Now, I have a false bad reputation.
The people @ the SSA office said that he doesn't have to live with me for me to be his payee. I sent him to the homeless shelter, & they told him he can only stay 1 night because he has an expired ID. I had to stay @ that shelter for a few days back in 2007. The same witchy lady that threw my valuables around with a broom & lied & said I made the mess & called the police because I told her I couldn't go to church session because I was studying for a psychology exam. They put me on the streets that night.
Now, this SAME woman called me tonight to try to threaten me into letting him back in, & she has NO say so over who's his payee. I'm the only 1 who won't misuse his $ $ . But she tried to scare me by saying that if I don't let him stay by me, then the "consequence" is that I will no longer be his payee. I'm afraid she might do something worse to get me in more trouble. We have another brother in town who's willing to take him in, but he doesn't want to go there.
I'm not willing to ruin my lease because of my brother being confused & 2-faced, & trying to freeload. He inflicts the same pain & suffering on me as others do to him. He made threats to lie on my sister, so I'm afraid he might lie on me again.
The shelter woman tried to tell me that I'd be cruel & dirty wrong if I don't take him back in by tomorrow. It's not my fault his ID is 2 yrs. expired, & I am penniless right now. I gave him the LAST of the $ $ I had. But why wasn't she cruel 2 yrs. ago for throwing me on the streets for not being able to attend church because of school? She didn't care. But now she wants me to feel bad for him. He doesn't have to be homeless. He CHOOSES not to stay with my other brother.
I forgot to mention that he always says he wants to be independent, but he expects you to do everything FOR him, step-by-step.
& he told me he refuses to seek psychiatry or any other mental health help. So, that also has me afraid.
Best answer:
Answer by richchili
You receive his money, you pay his bills with the money he has. That is all you have to do. He does not have to live with you and no one can force that. Complete strangers from banks or social service agencies are people’s Payees – they don’t do anything more than pay bills.
Stop making this into something it isn’t. Your brother has a mental illness. Rent him a place to live that he can afford. Pay the bills and give him the key. Don’t do anymore than you want to or are capable of.
Unless you want to take him to court and find him incompetent, he is an adult able to make his own bad decisions. You pay the bills so he has a basic place to live, food in the frig, and the light and electric paid. Give him $ 30 a month for spending money – that’s what he would get in a group home. If he doesn’t want to live there – that’s his choice. You spent his money on what he needed to be safe.
Than let him be an adult.
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